A Farmer's Lot by Roger Evans

Author:Roger Evans [Evans, Roger]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Business & Economics, Industries, Agribusiness, Humor, General, nature, animals
ISBN: 9781906122478
Google: 3yBwMAEACAAJ
Publisher: Merlin Unwin Books
Published: 2012-09-06T23:24:06.343951+00:00

JULY 11TH 2011

If you happen to go into the pub in the early evening at weekends, occasionally there are people in there that have been drinking all day. Mostly its best keep a bit of a distance because they are in a place that you are unlikely to reach that evening, and even if you did, they would have staggered home by then and left you on your own. What they have to say is much funnier, more profound and wiser than anything they have ever heard themselves say ever before but to you, the sober spectator, it is much less so. There’s a young attractive girl dominating the conversation, I think she’s 50 this year, but sitting where I am, at my stage in life, she’s young and attractive.

She’s telling her immediate audience about something and I’m not paying that close attention, but then, to prove her point, she says ‘Well you wouldn’t eat yellow snow would you?’ Now there’s a profound thought for you. Must say I’d never thought about that before. But you wouldn’t, would you? You’d ask yourself, instinctively, how did it get yellow? Then you’d work out how it got yellow, you’d realise the most obvious solution and you just wouldn’t eat yellow snow! I’m just thinking about this yellow snow and thinking that the subtlety of what she’s said is lost on her friends but not a bit of it.

Someone else takes up the theme. ‘My old granny used to rush to get to town on market day. She liked to get to the grocers as soon as they opened the doors. We had to have a pony and trap ready for her first thing and away she’d go, whipping away at that old pony and he’d be a picking his feet up just as fast as he could go.’

The small group pause to replenish their glasses and I worry that I’ll not hear any more about granny going shopping on market day, but not a bit of it, the story continues without any bits of it seeming to go missing. ‘The one big grocers in town used to stock a big pile of round cheeses on their doorstep, a column either side, great big cheeses they were, 30lbs in weight, as a sort of display. Every damn dog that came down that street used to cock his leg against the pile of cheeses and granny was making sure that her cheese came off the top of the pile. If ever we had some poor cheese Granddad would say ‘I can taste border collie on this cheese, Mother.’

Someone from a generation or so less takes up the theme. ‘When we were kids we were told never to pick blackberries below waist height down by the lakes.’ Someone asks why not. ‘Because of the fishermen.’ And that’s it. Good practical advice that I can store and remember, and no one has used the word P.

***

I never wish to sound pretentious, but over the years, we as a family, have bought a lot of cars and vehicles off the same person.

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